Monday, June 15, 2009

Whirlwind!






This weekend was a blast! I think it was one of the best Pridefest's to date, not to mention the most economical! We were able to only have to pay for one ticket all weekend (normally it is $13.00/day) with the "bring canned food, get in free" promotion. Worked like a charm.. who would have thunk it... I could have been taking advantage of this for YEARS.

Cyndi Lauper was FANTASTIC. What made it even more fantastic was seeing a bunch of old friends.. one of them being Anne from over there at "Are You Kidding?".. I invite everyone to go read her blog. I can honestly say that she is one of my favorite people. Not just because I was smart and lucky enough to date her.. but she lives life with everything she has.... and gives so much of her heart to others. I am so lucky to still have her in my life. She got some great videos... we had a ton of laughs... and I was so happy to see her and Staci out for a night of fun. I wont gush anymore about her. It makes her uncomfortable :)

Friday night was Mic's night to woop it up-- and she can now check that off of her list with a big SUCCESSFUL stamp. .. wooeeey.. she did a number wooping it up, and felt the effects well into Saturday. We had friends over for the pre-pride bbq...and quickly realized that in the midst of Mic's wooping.. she invited everyone she spoke with over for lunch. It was a GREAT time. I love having the house full of people... hearing them laugh.. and knowing that I am able to provide them a comfortable place to relax and be themselves. It is such a good feeling.

Saturday was MY night for wooping.. it was fun. A lot of fun.

Sunday we had the parade.. best one to date. It was full of queens on cars, and dancing cowboys.. and interesting people in um.. interesting leather outfits.. ... and pflag people (who I shuttled in my car to the parade start-- one had a bum knee...they were adorable.. ) And I kept thinking-- what if someone stumbled accross this parade.. it would be SO WEIRD to an outsider. Okay- but, some of it is SO WEIRD even to insiders.

I have a zillion pictures.. some of which I will post when I get home. Of course only the ones of me without a double chin and that doesn't show my fat gut or wide ass.

I am in complete awe of how fat I have gotten. I don't know how it is possible for one person to let themselves go in this manner. I almost had all of Sunday ruined by my horrible frame of mind. I went to put on a pair of jean crop pants that I wore a million times last summer. I couldn't get them buttoned. And, people.. I am not talking about.. suck it in a bit and button.. I was flat out on the floor .. sucking it in ... AND STILL COULDN'T BUTTON. I immediately went into a state of panic and horror... and thought of all the photos that were taken the night before.. and how could I delete them from everyone's camera before they hit facebook and whatever else was out there. I couldn't focus.... it was a panic attack in the making. Mic saw me wandering around with this terrorized look on my face... and I explained my situation. She said "well.. you have to do something about this... it isn't going to get fixed if you can't see that it is broken." I see it.. I SEE IT... I feel it.. I know it is an issue. For the love of god, one of the reasons we aren't TTC is because of my weight. WHAT?? THAT IS F-ED UP! I am not going to conceive a child because of something that I CAN FIX?

I have hit a new low.

It is like I don't have a connect between my mind and my stomach. You know who are the best rationalists and persuaders? fatties, like me. I can rationalize anything I eat.

BAH.

I am done talking. Time for action.

I got off on a tangent....

In conclusion: Pride weekend was great. I am sick of being so fat. Thank you for listening.

6 comments:

Corrine said...

Where to begin....

I am glad that you had so much fun this weekend. It is nice to let your hair down and HOLLA!!!

And, wicked kewl that you are still such good friends with an ex. We all could learn sumthin from that.

NOW..as far as being fat. I hear you and feel your pain. Sometimes I will see a picture of myself, and literally be shocked! I can't beleive I have let myself go. When going through my divorce, I lost 69 lbs. I thought that was the best I had ever looked. A size 6.

My husband is happy with my body at a size 6 or 16. It makes it really easy to eat that second devil dog..or pint of Ben & Jerry's.

Now, exercise is key. I know that you know this...but it is a great stress reliever..and way to burn calories. Putting down the ho-ho's and twinkies, that helps too. BUT, baby steps!!
Good luck!

Adventures in Babymaking said...

Hello I am Christa and I am fat too. We need a support group. I feel your pain. Oh the cameras I would love to confiscate. If only I had stopped saying, "maybe tomorrow" a year ago. :) Hugs

Amy said...

Casey, We are all right there with you! How many times have you heard me complain about weight I've gained? I can't get clothes on from last year either. Will I do something? Probably not. :( Sad isn't it?

Amy said...

Oh, and I'm glad you had such a great time!

Jen said...

Well first Casey, I'm glad you had a great time this weekend! That is awesome.

And I know about the weight struggle. Blah. It's no fuckin fun. Getting past the first two weeks of exercising and eating right is the hardest part. After that, you are used to it and start seeing results, which is awesome.

You'll do it. You are strong and wonderful and I believe in you.

Angie said...

DAMNIT! Now i wish I had gone to pride this year...i was boycotting it because pride was a j thing for me. next year. and i'm coming to your bbq. there..i invited myself. maybe by next year, we'll be skinny and laughing at all the fat girls who had to squeeze into their matching plaid shorts.

or maybe not. i'm eating mcdonalds as we speak.

that's right.

oh, and i MISS YOU!!!!!!! I'm back in my house now, so come visit me. we need a dog park date!