Saturday, November 27, 2010

oh my!

As of this morning.. down 11lbs. That is pretty cool. I am very happy with myself for the weight loss.. and wish I didn't get to my all time high when I started because then I would like the number on the scale a lot better.

The dubbya dubbya ladies this time around don't have much of a sense of humor. Apparently fat jokes are frowned upon while getting on the scale. Lighten up ladies. hahhaa. literally.

Thanksgiving was okay. I miss my parents. They are in Florida and wont be back for another couple of weeks to celebrate Christmas-- then back down. Soon I will have pictures to post of my holiday gift craft for 2010. Last year I didn't do one.. the 2008 craft was alright... this year I am excited for making our gifts. My friend Angie is leading the way with her awesome ideas and mine borrowed from etsy. I really really like giving things that are handmade. I feel proud of the time I spent.. and I think people like them as well.

Okay. I have officially blown off laundry for long enough. I leave in 3 hours to go out, and I have no pants or under ware. God I suck SUCK at laundry. Maybe I will go shopping instead :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

you people

are so kind.. taking your time and cheering me on.. I appreciate it SO! awww..

So, we finally met our new social worker. We have been on her case load since the start of October, but this was our first time meeting her.

I *heart* her.

I think she likes us too.

And, for some reason, in my head that makes us feel like we have a better chance.

I also finally figured out what this whole process feels like. It feels like high school when I would be waiting and waiting and waiting for a boy to call. I would look at the phone.. "ring. just ring. just CALL... why isn't he CALLING????".... I would pick up the receiver and make sure there was a dial tone. (pick up the receiver-- just think-- kids don't even know what that is anymore)

THIS waiting is like that. I look at my phone when I have been away from it - if even for a moment. I think I hear it ringing or feel it vibrating when it was nothing.

Just like in high school when that guy never called and I felt so shitty because of it... I can't help but feel that way now. Just head games.

and I know.. I promise... I know that it will happen for us. That the phone will ring when I am least expecting it... probably when it is the most inconvenient.

It is just weird that it is THAT feeling.. yanno?

Right after I had this epiphany, I ate two 1pt chocolate cake things. Connection. YeahIthinkso.

Thanks again, everyone for your support. I look forward to more milestones to post :)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

first week of the dubbya dubbya

In the previous times that I went through WW I weighed myself everyday, sometimes twice.
This time I didn't. I thought about it, and then put the scale away again. I didn't want to know. I wanted to make sure I FELT good.. and, other than my period showing up, I felt pretty darn good.

I weighed in today at 6.6lbs down. I do understand a lot of that is water and stuff. But more importantly, I feel a little better.

For that I am happy.


Monday, November 8, 2010

jurl got isssuuueeesss.

I will keep this short:

I work in sales and marketing. I, almost always, bring candy or goodies of some sort to my customers when I make calls.

Today at 3:15 I found myself alone in my shared office. There was 14 lbs of choclate candy 6 feet in front of me.

Has anyone detoxed from, oh, heroin or crack... because I am almost sure what how I was feeling was kinda like that. I was shaking... I had to stop myself from obsessing about it. There may have been salivating involved. I had to physically leave the office and do something else in order not to listen to the devil on my shoulder telling me to go get some. I had to self talk myself off of "the bridge".

As much as I wish this were a made up story... it isn't.

Youbettabelieve this is gonna come up with not-a-doctor tomorrow.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

When I am a mom...

So, there are always these things that people who want to be parents think, "I want to do that with/for my child!"

My friend Anne showed me some links to bento boxes in the past, but now I have found a blog that is SUPER CUTE.. and hopefully, when I do have a child in my life this is something cute that I can do for them..

As a family I want to do this more often:

On top of tons of other things that I think.. AWWWW.. CUTE! I WANNA DO THAT!!!!

How about all the moms/dads/aunts/uncles and peeps with kids in their lives. Are there any special things that you have always thought would be fun... or do NOW to build traditions?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

along my journey

Tomorrow I am going to my 2468745th Weight W@tchers meeting in my life. I spoke with not-a-doctor about it. She said she thought it was a good idea.

I can see the good and bad parts about WW. I see that it is yet ANOTHER diet. Obviously life shouldn't be lived on a diet...but I also see it as accountability. I obviously can't be accountable to only myself. I CAN be accountable for eating a plain 1/4 pounder in less than 4 minutes and then an hour later forgetting that I ate it. Yeah. THAT I have down pat. But I can't be accountable for seeing truth on the scale. Even naked. In the morning.

The best I felt about myself since oh.. when I was young and hot and drinking my meals more than eating them was right before I started dating Mic. I had MUCH success on WW. I was slimmer (NOT SLIM) and I felt GOOD. I would go to my weigh-ins. I would write everything down. I ate a ton of veggies and smart protiens... and I had the mindset that I wasn't going to eat all the crap food I can eat to stay within my points. I was eating WELL and staying within my points. That, I find, is a big trap that WW peeps get caught up in. How many 100 calorie packs can I eat and still have McDonald's for dinner AND still stay within my points?

I didn't do that. And I am not going to do it this time, either.

I have a trifecta of accountability this time. I have you, my mish-mosh of moms and dudes and friends who read my blog. I have my not-a-doc who is going to be a source of education, and I will have the dub-dub (WW).

Today I logged into my bank account and coded all my "food". I mean- I coded all the crap food, not grocery, and I added it up. So this total includes lunches, dinners out, movie food..just crap food. Food I could have done without. This total does NOT include groceries.

Yup. You read that right. ONE month.
Do you know how much I can do with that. Or, I should say, how much I don't want to do with that... other than sticking it into savings and using it for "maternity" leave.
I am almost ashamed of putting that out there. That is a LOT of food, and a lot of laziness. But I have to. There is nothing gained by glancing over the truth. There it is. The truth.
I know there will always be SOMETHING in that category. We are social people. We go out with friends for dinner. From this moment on, we are doing it smarter.
So, there you have it. Tomorrow at 10:30 I am going to walk into that WW space, and I wont be surprised if they know me by name.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

So.. I have this therapist.

Day one is under my belt.

I am a therapy virgin and had no idea what to expect from a "session". Apparently, the first session is snore-ville. The not-a-doctor lady seemed nice enough. I don't know that it is a PERFECT fit, but it IS only session one. I may have a better idea next week. It seems as if it may be a bit more of life coaching than lay on the couch and cry.... I was kinda looking for the couch bit, but am seeing the positive things that could come from a bit of direction in my life.

At one point she said, "tell me one positive thing about you" and then said "oh! I know one..". So I looked at her like, I met you 37 minutes ago....what on EARTH do you know? "You are an extrovert".


I said, "oh, well.. yeah.. a lot of people think that." Truth is.. I am an extrovert on my terms. If I walk in the room and I feel like I can handle the crowd, you bet. Put me on stage, I can yabba dabba with the best of them.

Walk me in to a room full of people who I classify as "above me"... and see me melt into a pile of sludge. I am a wreck.. and before I step 4 feet into the room, I have completely sabotaged the experience.

I guess that is why I am going back to see not-a-doc next week... and probably several occasions after that.

In other news, Rebs finished her gift to us. I ADORE IT....

She will be known, by her request, as Auntie Rolling Pin. Isn't she freaking great?

Mic got me a little video camera. I think I am going to try to work it so I can video the rooms upstairs.. post it here...

don't hold your breath for that, though.