Monday, August 31, 2009

Dragging my feet?

I had a friend ask me today....

Where are you on your foster/adoption process? It feels like you are dragging your feet.

I assured her that whatever gave her that notion... it sure isn't true.

Heartbreak happens, set backs happen... things don't go always as planned...

Is it hard having a crib and other things in the garage waiting? Hell yes.

Is it hard watching other people with their kids knowing that right now there is not one thing I can do to get closer to me being there? Hell yes.

I could go on and on, listing the woes.... but I have to keep my head up, my thoughts positive. The universe has a plan and it is working itself out....Mic and I are very small players in the grand scheme of things.

We can't WAIT until the day we can tell our parents that they are grandparents (hers for the FIRST time!!)... we can't WAIT until we hear "mom" and knowing it is meant for us... amongst a million other milestones.

Am I dragging my feet? No. Good things come to those who wait. Patience is something I am not good at.. this is a real test to me, it is a lesson I obviously needed. I take it, and thank the universe along with so many other lessons that have come my way. It makes me stronger. I am okay with that.

I will keep putting things people so graciously give us in the corner, for now... and soon, there will be a day we can bring it all out with smiles on our faces and excitement in our hearts... knowing NOW is the time. NOW we are ready, NOW our dues are paid, NOW we can fully open our hearts without looking back.

It doesn't stop me from thinking about that woman who will probably get pregnant unexpectedly in December or so and pray she makes the right decision, knowing there is a perfect set of parents who will be as ready as they possibly can be to give her baby an amazing home...possibly a slightly crazy home with one off the wall mom and one that is totally level headed...

It is all part of the plan.

ps.. the new pic is of the Dennis Sullivan I took during the 1st Annual Milwaukee Weekend, Summer Edition, 2009. It didn't have all of its sails up- but I still thought it was kind of cool.

Turn back?

I want to turn back time.. I am not greedy, I just want 24 hours so I can do my Sunday all over again.

The windows were open and it was a cool 65 degrees in Milwaukee... the wind was blowing in, I didn't take a shower until well after 3pm. I got to do all of my putzing, and laundry and watched "American Movie".

Mic was at her fantasy football (turn ON-- LOVE that she does stuff like that).. it was just me and my dog.

Loved it.

I have been feeling so gross about myself....nothing new. Saturday night we had to go out for Mic's sister's birthday... I absolutely did NOT want to go. But, I squeezed by big biznizz into a cute pair of jeans, put on a shirt I hardly every wear, pushed my boobs up, did my hair, put on lipstick, high heels and I was ready to go! I can't tell you how much better I felt. I think the cure to the icks is to get all dolled up and hit the town. I really need to do that more often. I think I am like so many women who get in a comfy clothes funk. More time ON myself is definitely needed.

Tonight our housemate, Rebecca, and Mic are pulling out the treadmill for the 45678th time.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Okay - Granted, this was something that was forwarded to me in an email-- but it is SO FUNNY--

I feel like this guy is in my head, hearing my thoughts :)

Enjoy! Share!

Random Thoughts of the Day:
o I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
o More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
o Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
o I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
o Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
o I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
o The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
o Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
o There is a great need for sarcasm font.
o Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
o I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
o How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
o I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
o I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
o The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
o A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
o Was learning cursive really necessary?
o Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
o I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
o Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
o My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
o Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
o How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
o I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
o While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
o MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
o Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
o I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
o Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
o I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
o Bad decisions make good stories
o Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
o Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
o If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
o Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
o You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
o Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
o There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
o I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
o "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
o I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
o While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
o I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
o I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
o When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
o I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
o Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
o As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
o Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
o It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
o I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
o I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
o Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
o Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
o My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
o It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
o I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
o I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
o I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
o The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


My morning was so stressful.. and not in ways that you may think.. you know, me being at work and all..

we didn't have the internet for FOUR HOURS.

You can't imagine (or maybe you can-- after reading the post before the last post) how horrified I was..

*wipes brow of sweat*

I am better now.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Awwwwww *blush*

I got some shout outs from some gals in the blogging community.... cuz we tight like that, yo :)

Thanks to Margo over at Along the Way and Becky over at Two Moms with a Plan (affectionately known in my world as: 2MW/AP)
Margo has an amazingly honest blog.. she shares so much about her life with her beautiful family in priceless way... and Becky and her partner, Holly are well on their way to starting a family- she is a super positive voice and, apparently, she throws some great parties... strangely enough, both Margo and Becky are from Florida!

There are three rules for this award:
First, link back to the person who gave you the award (see above)

Next, give the award to 10 other bloggers.

#1: Winkin Blinkin and Blog - She is HILARIOUS.... I laugh every time I read her-- she has had experience in the foster care world.. and she is brutally honest about it.

#2: Corrine over at Buckfieldzmadmomma - she and her hubby have a huge family and are bravely opening their hearts and lives to more....

#3: Adventures in Babymaking - deserves a big shout out as they have finally received the news they have been waiting for for SO LONG... it is so exciting to follow along on their journey!

#D: Anne at Are you Kidding Me? - She and her partner live just down the way with their two beautiful babies... Some might think I had to name her here because she is my ex.. but I named her here because she is my friend.

F. : Lyn at Escape from Obesity - HAS to be on this list-- she is SO HONEST in a way that I wish I could be... she puts it out there for all of us to read and cheer her on.. she gives me momentum. Go girl!

6. 11 Babies??? Yup- 11.. that is how many she wants.. and I have no doubt that this super strong women will get there. She is fierecly independent, broad minded mama, free-birthing and un-schooling and things I have never heard of! She just brought her baby girl into the world.. and I am excited to read about her family's journey

7. Mama Drama x's Two - Holy cow, this family ROCKS. They are a wonderful family that has been working with the foster system. and are so SMART and I know that when we have a kidlet, I will be full of questions for them. Go read!

8. Cindyhoo - Fingers are crossed for the Cindyhoo family - they have big stuff going on. Not to mention they have the biggest tomato garden in the WORLD and they do fun stuff like canning... and they live somewhere beautiful..

9. A&K At the Ultimate Gift - Yet another couple who are working so hard at family-dom... it will happen for them! Positive vibes your way!

10. Jill at It's My Life - What a blessed family! They have opened their home and hearts to a beautiful baby girl and it seems to be going grand!

Third, list 10 honest things about yourself...

1. I love getting my back scratched.. especially right before bed.
2. Fear of death - HUGE
3. Fear of death before becoming a parent.. HUGER.
4. I am totally addicted to q-tips...
5. I didn't come out until the age of 22-ish
6. My mom dragged me out - then shunned me
7. If you talk in baby talk- I am gonna shun you.
8. That does not include TO babies.
9. I have sleep apnea
10. I will never EVER swim in the ocean again as I fear I will be sucked up into it.

I am really starting to wonder

How many times I can check my facebook, my blog and my email in one day.

Holy crap.. I couldn't imagine if someone had a camera on me...between checking those sites, the constant throwing out and replensihing the gum in my mouth, and moments of blank stares out the window... I can imagine that I would be the poster child for adult onset ADD.

Jurl.. I got some issues...

I have a teeennyyyy tiny feeling that I am not in this boat alone.




Oh- and with my day off yesterday I found two new shows....Real Housewives of Atlanta... and the Rachel Zoe Project. I get why I like the first one-- I am a reality show whore. With the second, though, I was surprised during the fourth hour of the marathon yesterday when I was still sitting there watching it-- I am not fashionable, I don't know how to match, if I could wear shiny-vinyls to work, I would.... oh, and I could squish Ms. Rachel Zoe in a blink of an eye...she is a solid 4.75 lbs.

The show is a tranny mess... deeeelish!


Sunday, August 23, 2009

rolling boats, comedians, and corsets...

We are drawing the "First Annual Tour de Milwaukee 2009 - Summer Edition" to a close.

Whew. I am POOPED.

Friday night we had a laugh filled (and margarita filled) dinner downtown...

Saturday started off with a nice breakfast at home, then off to the Iroquois boat tour of Milwaukee as seen on the Milwaukee River and Lake Michigan...
This is the city through the porthole in the bathroom ... I thought it was kind of cool...

This is a perfect way to see the city.. the tour guide was great, and even took us out to the breakwater where he, not quickly enough, explained that we were heading into rough sea (or whatever...) and he just wanted to give us a taste of what it would be like.... then.. as he was turning the boat around, we roooolllllleeedddd.... and I piiiissseedd my pants... (not really) but I DID let out a big nelly scream...

Did I mention we were surrounded by big ol' dykes.....some in leather....

They screamed right along with me (heheheh. I am cereal.)

Because of that roll on the lake, Maurice lost is cookies, and we were unable to complete the day with him. We were to go on a distillery tour with free vodka at the end... he was green, and we thought twice.

Mic and I went onward with our friends, Nora and Becky, to Comedy Sportz then off to Mona's for a little bum shakin'

Bright and early-ish we woke up on Sunday morning.. Mo seemed to have re-gained his composure, and we headed off to the Bristol Renaissance Faire.

This. was. interesting.

AND it was GAY DAYS THERE!!! WOOOOT!!! It was very welcoming without being too pridefesty-- it seemed that every vendor had a pride flag out in front of their shop, gay bars from Chicago and Wisconsin shipped the gays in on buses...Oh.. and the "actors" (though, I can't be convinced that these people can just turn this off after the sun goes down) wore little rainbow ribbons on their costumes... and it proved to be a very very entertaining day. And by the by-- if you are going to dress up to go to the Renn Faire ... DRESS UP.. don't go half assed with like.. the corset top and a pair of cargo shorts... It is either all or nothing.... The weirdest get-up was a guy (?) who had two cardboard boxes over him with two armholes, his head covered in tinfoil, and in sloppy writing on the front of one box was...."Awesomeness 3000".. . *blink*... I have zero clue what that means or how it fits into the era.....I SOOO wanted to get a picture, but with the tinfoil over his head, I couldn't tell if he could see me or not. And for some strange reason I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Now I regret it, and may just have to re-create it for halloween or something.

I will have to tell you the stories over a glass of wine sometime.

Oh.. did I mention the part of the boat tour where a little rental pontoon boat passed us with a big blow up penis on the front of it with the life ring around it like..a.. c*#k ring... and there were a bunch of guys on it... one of them had a big HUGE flaccid dildo strapped on?

Yes. Strangely entertaining weekend it was.

Tomorrow I have the day off... and I plan on being under my covers for most of it.. or, at least until an hour before Mic is to arrive home, where upon I will rise, shower, vacuum, and do everything I should have been doing all day .... she will never be the wiser... :)

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I just noticed that my age over there ----->
says I am 34.

I am going to be 36 in a couple months.

That makes me ill.

Not much going on. I could post pictures from Irish fest, talk about my big fat "tour of Milwaukee" weekend I have going on starting tomorrow..

But I am very tired, mentally, emotionally, physically.

I am reading.. just not typing. .

Monday, August 10, 2009

Cullen Mania!

I don't know what it is about these books... I don't know if it takes me back to high school and that feeling you get with your first love.. or WHAT... but I am smitten with the Twilight series.

I got New Moon from the library- started reading it yesterday and I have about 20 pages left.

I was thinking about calling in sick today to finish it.

There is no hope for me.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

aahh.. a moment of silence.

Blonde Ambition should be snifflin and joggin' in at any moment- so I thought I would make the best use out of this stillness to do some blogging.

Joggin' and snifflin'??? Yes. She JOGS everywhere. Inside. In the office. down the hall. up the stairs. Best part? She is on her tip-toes while doing it. Isn't that a sign for something? I can't believe I haven't Googled that yet...OR something like... "How does the over use of blonde hair dye affect mental wellness?"

Don't forget the snifflin' part. She sniffles. ALL THE TIME. *sniffle* Casey- can you send this.. blahablahblah *sniffle* thanks *sniffle* -- note to self.. Google: "How does the over use of diet pills affect the drainage of your snot?"

Trust me, peeps-- it is a good combinations: 1 bowl of oatmeal a day+diet pills+constant exercise+funeral home setting= GOOD TIMES!

There has been SO MUCH GOING ON!

Have I told you:

What a wonderful Adoption Party Carter had??? It was a perfect day for a very special kid.. he is blessed with two wonderful moms!

My family pulled off a FANTASTIC surprise 70th birthday party for my mom at an Irish B&B in Milwaukee called County Clare. We had her favorite local Irish musician there, Jeff Ward. She was SO SURPRISED and it was just a great thing to see her with so many old friends. I hope that I am that lucky to have so many wonderful friends around me at that age (or ever). We had a ton of laughs and heard some really great Irish music!

Our big plan to save money-- by going down to one car-- has ended. It lasted a whole month.
I LOVED carpooling. I liked talking about our days on the way home.... suuureeee I wasn't allowed to speak on our way TO work, as she simply isn't a morning person. Whatev. *rolling eyes* Well, last night it ended. She is the proud new owner of a 2010 Toyota something-or-another.... and a restored sense of independence.

We have been able to spend some time with friends lately... just hanging out-- nothing fancy-- casual around the fire, kind of get togethers. I love that-- just chatting.. and enjoying.

I think that about sums it up for now. BA is on a roll... and I suppose I should get back to work.

I hope all are well-- I look forward for some downtime to catch up with every ones blogs!