Thursday, January 28, 2010


I was tagged in a a meme (I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!!) from Jelly at The Cuteness of Curiosity

1. What books are on your favorite book shelf?
I love any book by Augusten Burroughs.... he is HILARIOUS.. an amazing story teller...and if anyone is looking for a good book to read... look him up!

2. What DVDs our on your favorite shelf?
Love LOVE my Seasons of The Office, I laugh every time I watch 40 Year Old Virgin I have lots and lots of DVDs!!

3. What are your two favorite cookbooks?
I will answer for Mic-- as she is the cooker in the house. Weight Watchers Comfort Foods and not "books" but she loves the Food Network magazines she gets every month!!!

4. Select 1-3 recipes you will cook for your special guests:
I bake and I have an amazing Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe that I LOVE to make for other people, as for dinners or something I, again, will go to Mic and she says: something Italian or something delish on the grill .... funny... we were just having this conversation the other day... I love having casual gatherings in my home and I want to have recipes ready to make in a flash!

5. What will be drinking if that is available?
Everything goes great with rum-runners!!!!!

Okay peeps--- answer up!!!




Carrie and MJ

AAAnnnndd don't forget to tag!!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Winter blech.

Winter anywhere is crappy, I am sure. Winter in Wisconsin really freakin' bites. Old Mother Nature had us going on a "warm" spell -- beautiful, sunny, 32-40 degrees out...I think I saw a tulip peak out through the ice. Okay, probably not. But there was a faint smell of spring in the air. Maybe Al Gore is right! People were walking around without coats.. it was so wonderful! Now we are back to subzero. At least the sun is shining and there isn't any snow coming down.

Diet has been going well. My date with the Lesbo Trainer is tomorrow. I am down 11 lbs all together, and proud of that. There has been temptations everywhere.. and I am trying so hard to stay strong. I find it really difficult with shows like The Biggest Loser when they are losing 11 lbs in ONE WEEK. It is like-- really.. I have been doing this for THREE WEEKS. The three of us need to stay positive. I have tried to stay away from soda, only having 4 of them in three weeks... and only because rum goes with the diet coke so WELL when you are out and listening to music and stuff :) Don't forget the lime, please.

In other news...


It is January in Wisconsin, people... We huddle together in random groups over the weekend and go to work during the week.

There must be a trip to St. Pete in my near future... I can feel it in me bones!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Welcome: She

After months and months of inviting Mic to read my blog - she finally has started. If she decides to come back..."hi, babe!"

My guess is that she won't ... She lives my weirdness - I don't know why she would want to read about it, too :)

Oh and only two one more Sunday of this:

(football Sunday)

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Thursday, January 21, 2010


The three of us (mic, rebs and I) just had our first personal training session.

We are being trained by a cutie patootie 25 year old lesbian who thinks that Rebs and I are together. I didn't have enough air in my lungs or strength in my jaw to tell her otherwise...

I think I left a little bit of my soul in that training room.

I don't know what on earth I was thinking... that I was going to do a 5K in MARCH. bwwaaahahahaha.

I WILL do one. March is MORE than questionable. I don't think I know how out of shape I really am. I am good at dieting... I know how to eat correctly. I have been "working out" but lord almighty, I didn't REALLY work out until tonight.

I got through the session .... barely... and I almost tossed my cookies in a wastepaper basket in front of Lesbo Trainer. I about died. I had EVERYTHING going through my head.. what if I ran with the basket into the aerobics room......hit the elevator button and run onto it with the trash.... die and it just be over..... throw up in my mouth and swallow it....

Instead we left.

I ate an apple when we got home, and I felt much better.

Now I am going to cross my fingers that I can walk tomorrow.

.... annddd of COURSE I have facebooked Lesbo Trainer. duh.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Thank you

Thank you all for your kind words... I would say more but then I will just end up in tears all over again…

I don't do many things well - but apparently I did do my first week of my new and improved eating and moving well... as a house we are down 18lbs and 7 of those were mine. Gone daddy gone!

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I need to get this off of my chest.

To many -- okay all but two-- of you reading this, it will mean nothing to you. This is something that I have to get off of my chest and put it out there for the universe and to finally be rid of it riding around like a rabid monkey on my back.

Lisa died 3 years ago.
We broke up over 2 years prior to her death-- it could have been almost 3 years, I am not good with the time frame of things around that time. She was part of my life on an almost daily basis, even after the break up, as my bff Maurice lived in the same duplex as her. What a tangled web we weave. She was then diagnosed with ovarian cancer - had one surgery - then another- then chemo and radiation and all of this horrible crap that I wont go into detail about. Maurice became her caregiver, I went up once sometimes twice a week to take care of her. Even after our horrible break up- we still had a bond. We were each others first loves, we were together for 7 years, we knew things about one another and experienced things with each other that will never be repeated again in this lifetime - MANY good and bad times. She was put on hospice on a Wednesday and she died at 12:20am on a Sunday. Her death was the most horrific thing I could ever imagine experiencing.

Here is the point of this blog. I need to apologize to those I hurt during this experience.

I am sorry to Lisa's step siblings for shooing them (that is putting it nicely) out of the house when they showed up after they heard she died. I should have given you your time. Who am I to make the rules?

I am sorry to Mic for inserting Lisa and her wellness and her life and death in so many of our conversations. You were an amazing woman and partner to understand my need to be there for her in life - and now you still have to hear about it in death.

I am sorry to those that didn't get one of her memorial programs. I didn't know so many were going to be there. I wish you had all of the photos and poems that were on it. It was beautiful.

I am sorry that I still have memorial money in a drawer in my basement. There isn't much- but I can't decide on where it should go in her name. It sits there and I think about it on almost a daily basis. Especially when it is an anniversary of our life her life/death etc...

I am sorry to the funeral director that came to the house that night. I was crazy. No one knew how to handle me.

I am sorry for staring at the doctor that took care of her.. and did her second surgery...while Mic and I are at the bar when we go there. She owns it. I should know better then to go there.


She and I had conversations before her death that will never ever fade from my memory. We shared times together after her diagnosis that I will never experience with someone again. I promised her, in my car one night after her chemo appointment, that I would never ever forget her. We cried and hugged.

I am sorry, Lisa, but I need to move on. I need to take what we shared together and put it in a safe little bundle in my heart. You will never be forgotten. I think that you would understand that I need to move forward. That, as much as I miss you (so much sometimes that there is physical pain) I think you would want me to be happy.


Why do I have so much guilt? Am I wired differently?

Friday, January 8, 2010

it is that time.. again?

Every winter I get a little bit more "over" winter.

I was off to the gym this morning at 5:30 and instead had to shovel the driveway in enough time to get out for work 2 hours later. It is now 6:45 and I just got in. It is only half done.

I am not a warm climate weather person- but I am beginning to believe that I could put up with it. I would just need a wide brimmed hat, one of those personal hand held fans/water mister and air conditioning everywhere I went and sunscreen as thick as miracle whip.

I have to get ready for work now. booooo.

HAPPY FRIDAY, people. Happy Friday.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


One benefit from this new workout/eat good rigamaroll is that it has taken my mind off the baby obsession.

We can't do anything about anything until May.

It has been a challenge to be in "expanding family" limbo (as many of you know). Now I can plan and prepare and get everything ready for RIGHT NOW. May will come soon. I can't make it come any sooner. Good health can be here NOW.

As I have mentioned many times before-- things happen for a reason... the universe has a plan for us all. When things went downhill and Mic lost her job and we decided not to TTC and move to foster/adopt-- I was sure nothing good could come of it. The universe shook it up a bit.... and look at the blessings that have come of it! Mic got an amazing job with reDONKulous potential for moving up in the company, we have a wonderful housemate that, when I think of her leaving, actually brings tears to my eyes... I am finding out my body's potential...and Mic and I are on the same page about our family plans.

I have never had an abundance of patience.... but I have always been good at counting blessings.

I *WILL* be a mother. If there is anything in my life I am sure about it is that. If it happens now or 2 years from now ... it WILL happen.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

ohgod SHUT UP.

Blonde Ambition is on a mission ...

She is making forms, writing notes, creating outlines...

She is laying down the law.

She apparently is fearful that there haven't been enough funerals and how in the HECK is she supposed to get her hair dyed and her nails did? I am guessing that her 10 years of being Big Bosses wife (and her prior experience as an aerobics instructor) has given her enough experience in running a funeral home- that she is fully qualified to write up these "laws"....oh- and because she carries Big Bosses balls around in her purse.

What is a little bit odd is that she is making these rules to change "the bullshit that is going on around here" for three funeral directors. One of them being her husband who hasn't followed a rule in the 2.5 years I have been here. It is kind of like when you were a kid and built a fort with one friend, and creating a "club" then electing a president (and only wins because the fort is mostly made with his dads old lumber) and the president gets to make all the rules for that one other kid. (And then the kid revolts and wants his twenty-five cent joining fee back.)

It will be an interesting day tomorrow as she calls us all into a meeting- and hands out her packets. I predict tears at some point or another. We have a delicate flower on staff.... and we all will be blamed as to why they can't have their monthly professional decorator come in for a "revamp", or why they weren't able to buy some antique or another from the last trip to Chicago that they went on.... or why we aren't having a holiday brunch....

Blonde Ambition quote of the day:

Big Boss showed her one of the memorial cards he created for a deceased who used to work on staff with the Milwaukee Brewers. He took a photo of the stadium and faded it out into the background and then put name of the deceased, date of birth-- date of death.. yadda yadda... on top of it... pretty simple-- and it looked nice... her comment was (in her blonde Kentucky drawl) "OH! Are they changing the name of the stadium to his name?"



They aren't.

That is his memorial card. Miller Brewing Company owns the stadium. They aren't changing the name of the guy who sold tickets for them.

omg. I almost died.

Monday, January 4, 2010

W1D1 (check) (uuhh sorta)

W1D1 is slang in the Couch25K program for Week One Day One...

Okay-- I am going to be honest here...

It wasn't cute.

Tomorrow will be better.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I laugh.. I laugh...

It is so funny to me that people (including Rebecca and Mic) are completely boggled by my swoon list addition.....

Why I am Team Jo:

1. She is organized.

2. She is great with kids.

3. She looks sassy in glasses

4. She has a sexy British accent

5. She has a driver.

6. She is really good at bossing people around

7. She isn't skinny

8. She makes me go rararrrarararrrrr..

that's all.

Back to watching the packers kick some Arizona ass.

And by watching, I mean sitting here with the laptop inserting comments about plays, hoping I am getting them correct as it turns my gal on when she thinks I know what is going on in sports games.

So far, by the amount of times she has leaned over to kiss me, I think I am doing alright!

OH! Before that, we are starting our biggest loser tomorrow. Mic and I decided that we would splurge this weekend and eat whatever we really feel like... kind of a fatties last hurrah.

At this moment, I am so ready for a f-ing detox, I could spit. Granted, my spit would probably be bacon flavored and smell of 5 Guys burgers. I always wonder what average sized people do in preparation to diet. I think it is COMPLETELY different then what a big girls preparation is. It just makes me realize what a crazy relationship I have with food when I kind of go into mourning the day before.

I am SO NERVOUS to walk into that gym tomorrow. I don't know why. I am a big girl, but there are many much larger men and women there. And, this is the first time that I don't have a connection to someone that runs the joint. In the last two gyms that I have belonged to I have known the owner and manager. I felt like they had their eye on me. Thankfully, this time I don't know a soul. Not even any of the queens in the hot tub trying to pick up other queens.

Cross your fingers for me, please. This is one thing that I am going to need some support for.

Friday, January 1, 2010

okay, TMW/AP - swoooon list.

Well-- at least one entry....

Jo Frost...

I have no..

Pictures of the night, no hangover to remind me of the fun....

the night was nice... and I am VERY EXCITED that it is now 2010.

2009 was fantastic...even the curve balls had, and continue to have silver linings...

I am so very thankful for the blog community that I have found!