Wednesday, March 30, 2011

distractions

As anyone that has gone through this process of waiting.. for a smiley face, to POAS, to go to the doc, to wait for home visits...for another caseworker meeting... however it is that you go about your process of waiting for your family, you know how it can be. You also know how all consuming it is. Thinking about it CONSTANTLY. All consuming. LITERALLY. I have a new distraction in person form. I was on facebook one night and suddenly there is a friend request from 1/2 of a couple that I knew years ago when I lived up'nort. I about died. She and her other 1/2 broke up after 17 years together. We had a lot of catching up to do. From that moment on (a couple of weeks ago), I have been talking to her a LOT. More than any of my other friends. To the point that Mic asked me if I was leaving her. I know she knows I am NOT leaving her.. but that is how abrupt it was. My friend and I picked up where we left off. She talks. A lot. I listen and ask questions- I am good at that. She is also almost computer illiterate (I call her ex-Amish-- she knows sorta how to get around on facebook.. and that about sums it up.) so she calls me and it forces me to talk on the phone...in the MORNING. Anyone who knows me knows that I will do whatever I can to get out of a phone conversation. After being on the phone all day at work.. it is the LAST thing I want to do. We don't talk about anything special. She talks a lot about her ex.. and I know her, and I am the only other gay person in her life that does know her... so I think that makes her feel comfortable. She talks about her mom and sister who I know-- her dad..work.. stuff like that. As I was driving to work today it hit me like a brick... I like talking to her because I haven't told her about the foster/adopt process yet. I have told her all about Mic and I and everything we do... but not THAT. I have all of this time to NOT talk about it... to not think about it... to not OBSESS about it. I don't have to talk about caseworkers or what-if's or what if-not's and everything that goes along with it. I don't have to cry or wonder or worry. I just have to talk about nothing and listen to her talk about her life. At first I felt guilty that I was talking to her SO MUCH. But now, I don't want to stop. It gives me time to NOT think about waiting.. to concentrate more on my relationship with Mic, to have other things floating around in my brain instead of baby stuff... suddenly I am looking forward to doing fun things in the summer, to introducing her to all of my friends, to have her as part of Mic's and my circle. Today is going to be a good day because it is just GOING to be. No tears, extra prayers, no daydreams.. just a day to enjoy. Thassit. *exhale*

3 comments:

Mina said...

It WILL be a good day! It's nice that you reconnected with your friend, and you have things to look forward to with her. I love when you can just pick up where you left off with someone from the past. It's great to make new friends, but there's nothing like people who knew you way back when. Speaking of new friends, I would love to become friends on FB if you would like to! You can find me at: princess_in_nyc@yahoo.com.

Amy said...

I'm glad you have someone to NOT talk to. If you know what I mean.

Majid Ali said...

See the power of positive thinking within you. Follow my blog and read interesting posts. God bless you.