Hopes and Fears for 2010

Wow- that sounds profound.

Fears:

• My parents yearly migration to Florida-- it is hard watching your parents age and worrying about them.
• We wont be accepted into the foster/adoption program
• Our furnace will blow
• My brothers health declining. He can't seem to get it together.. and I think his strokes have messed with his mental health. Is that possible?
• I will be that one who breaks down in the middle lane of traffic in the morning rush hour without my cell phone in the middle of winter.

Hopes:

• I am successful with the Couch 2 5K program I am starting January 4th.
• Michelle will move up within her company
• I will become a mom
• Getting more debt paid off
• We get a new bed set that I don't have to a) lob myself two feet in the air to get up on and b) go sideways between the dresser and the foot board to get around to my side. The set is JA-NORMUS and our room is itty bitty.
• Good health
• I find more new friends
• I learn how to cook
• I will be less puffy

I am sure there are more of both. I just can't seem to think right now. I have Big Boss flittering around this damn place all freaked out because we don't have any calls at the moment. He is convinced that this is a downward spiral and he is about to lose everything. Drama mama. Little does he know that I am wishing this silence upon us so we don't have to be here all day on the 31st. Since he has shunned all of his family and friends, and only has Blonde Ambition and the "friends" (read: people he can use and that can use him for their/his money) through the boards he belongs to-- and doesn't have a social life .... he just wouldn't understand NOT wanting to be here.

I don't know how many more times he can come up to me and show me the 2x4 pieces of wood he is cutting down in the basement. I don't know WHY he is cutting them.... and I think he is getting frustrated that I am not asking questions about the pieces of wood. In my head his frustration with me makes me giggle.

ho.ho.I am over it.

Phew. I am very glad that the holiday is all wrapped up. harhar. I did have a FANTASTIC time, though.

Some of the best times happened yesterday at my parents. We spent the WHOLE DAY there. It had all of the makings of one of those... 'I gotta get out of here before I rip my brother-in-laws eyes out of his head' .. kinda days. I am happy to report that it didn't cross my mind (until 2.4 minutes before we were about to leave.. and thankfully I was already walking out of the door). We brought the wii and OMG I never knew that a video game could bring so much fun to a family gathering. We laughed SO HARD...

We sledded, sang, ate, wii'd, ate, drank wine, opened gifts, laughed, drank wine...then drank coffee.

The my sisters and their families all brought their sleeping bags and had a big slumber party. It was definitely something I feel like we are missing out on by not having a child. Here is to hoping that will change soon.

2010 is going to be a big year!

I have lost direction of this post.

I need to go to bed and stop thinking about the horror that is going to be work tomorrow.

Keep your damn hands off of it!

We get lots of loot around here during the holidays. People showing appreciation for our business. Casket companies, vault companies, monument companies, restaurants, newspapers... all that jazz. They come in, give me a large box of something or another, and I VERY QUICKLY run (shuffle) it to the kitchen, take the wrapping off and open the box of whatever it may be. I breath a sigh of relief.... another one saved.

If I don't do this... Big Boss confiscates it and re-gifts it.

ohmygoshiamsorry-- did I mention HE IS A MILLIONAIRE???

Uhhhh. yeah.

A few days ago the very nice old man from the stone place comes in with a stack of boxes.... all sorts of cheese, nuts, cookies, baklava... all in s.e.p.e.r.a.t.e boxes. I FLEW with that stack, breathing hard, like I was uncovering a buried treasure... I thought that by simply removing the ribbon that held it boxes together in a nice tower and laying all the small boxes out on the counter so everyone could share, would be enough. IT WASN'T. I just asked another co-worker if she got any of it. She didn't. Big Boss took the small boxes... some of them containing such things as A SQUARE OF CHEDDAR CHEESE.. and he has been giving them out as gifts.

Every Christmas this happens.

One company got smart. They brought all of their gifts wrapped, and on the INSIDE of the gift was a business card taped to the product.

They had been informed of Big Bosses re-gifting scheme.

He got busted out big time that year when he gave road side emergency bags out with business cards of vaults plastered all over them..... to his family.

*muuuuaaahahhahahhaaaa*

Normally I would think this was funny-- and, granted, I kinda do. But when restaurants give gift certificates specifically for the funeral directors and he takes them for his own... .. there is something wrong with that.

Karma, mister--- it's gonna GETCHA!

blech.

Ultrasound done.

What I believe should be pre-requests for ultrasound techs that stick things up a woman's vag:
Don't be 22, size 4, adorable, and fit.

I want someone at least 10 years older then me, larger then me, and doesn't chit chat about my plans for Christmas.

Just in and out. ..And inandoutandinandout... AHAHA... sorry.. couldn't resist.

The holidays

I am really excited about the holidays this year. We haven't decorated. We have made most presents. We are hosting a non-christmas-christmas (day) with Chinese food and wii and no presents being exchanged. Just my sister, her fam, Mic and I. The day after Christmas day we are out to my parents house with the whole fam-damly for hard rolls and ham and then off to the pool and spa. Back home for a very casual dinner and white elephant.

Sunday will be all ours. No packing decorations, no getting ready for a new years eve party (for the first time in 4 years).

Yesterday I went to the doctor for a check up on my meds. Unfortunately I have been having some side effects that I mentioned in a few posts prior. I explained the things that were happening to my body... no period... bloat in my abdomen.. zits like a pubescent boy with the facial hair to prove it. She looked at me and said... are you pregnant? I laughed.. no. I am not. She was sad. I love my doctor. I had lots of blood drawn yesterday and go in for an ultrasound tomorrow on me ovaries.

I am sure everything will be fine.

She spoke of things like hormone imbalances, PCOS etc.

The more I learn about simple, pretty darn easy to fix hormone imbalances... the more I wonder how many women have this and it is one of the main reasons we have such difficulty getting pregnant.

I read a really good book about it... and it is SO INTERESTING how so many doctors just brush it aside-- and SO SO MANY WOMEN SUFFER from it.

How many of us have been on Accutane (ME) (or other meds that in the long run effect our women junk), eats processed food (ME), has a family history of hormone imbalance (ME) .... and guess what this all effects.... pregnancy, or lacking the ability to GET pregnant (or makes it really hard).

We, as females, need to force our doctors into exploring this. And down the road, hormone imbalances can lead to SO MANY MORE THINGS.

Only one of them being the ever sexy female beard, that I am so close to perfecting.

h-o-t.

Just sayin' .

EDIT: my friend just told me I may have to get a wand up me hoo-haa. um. is this true? Do most ultrasound people have experience at this??!?!? UGGGHHH.

Why not?

Why not spend way too much money on phones right before Christmas ...yeah that's what I thought



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Scrunchie face

For the 2.4 of you that are on my facebook- you will know that for the last three days, I have been "thinking positive" in attempt to break this funk-o-rama.

THREE WHOLE DAYS. Slap me sainthood, people! Really? As I typed that it was almost like it has been martyr ish for me. No. It hasn't. In fact.. by simply waking up in the morning and not starting my day complaining about going to work and instead, thanking the universe for a job, a warm bed, and an amazing woman to wake up next to....is starting to help my blues go away. I get to work and greet everyone with a smile and a good morning. I haven't been responding to the negative nancy here.. when she starts her yabba dabba doin' I just look at her with a small grin on my face, and then go back to work.

Simple simple simple.

I have even noticed how much I scrunch my face. Not like... old woman meets sour apple. Just a slight scrunch. Just enough that I can feel it. So, I just sorta smile/grin/turn up the sides of my mouth. The corner of my eyes go up, my forehead shifts slightly back, and I just FEEL BETTER. It is so strange.

For the last three days, Mic has noticed as well. I have also insisted we eat together at the table, no tv, no nothing.. just us.. talking. Habits scare the freak out of me. I have told her time and time again that I don't want to turn into that couple who sits in front of the tv every night and .. well.. SITS IN FRONT OF THE TV EVERY NIGHT. Ew. That scares me to death. Because you know what is next? That couple that goes out to dinner and doesn't say a word to one another. YIKES!

I think this is a good way to end the year, and to greet the new year.

I just

don't have that much to say.

I have been in this really odd "place" as of late. It is a mix of anxiousness,.... really really highs and sorta lows-ish. I have had no desire to be close to Mic, or anyone else. I haven't confided in friends, and really feel that I only have a couple I can go to and would feel as if they were wanting the best for me and our friendships.

I have been trying to keep my spirits up at work, get things done around the house and prepare for the holidays. It all seems to be a struggle.

Highs:

• I got my running shoes, and I am excited to test them out... and hope I wont make too many heads turn when this big bidnizz starts lightly jogging *BAM BAM BAM BAM..ect..*
• I figured out my "homemade" gift for the fam's this year-- I will post when I have one to show.
• We are hosting no portions of christmas gatherings this year. Which means money saved and no decorations around the house!
  

I am done with this pity parade. Time to think positive, do the things I need to do to get me through this 'blech' .

can I?

I emailed my wonderful sister who is one of the owners of Lake Park Swim and Fitness is going to put together a 12 week program for me to get to my goal. She said it is going to be really hard-- but I told her I at least want to TRY it!!!! I found a 5k that is in March right before the big St. Patrick's Day parade - so I can have a beer as I lay on the cot for the ambulance..:) harhar.

Are there any runners out there.. or.. fast walkers.. or those who can at least make it around without cramping?

Any advice?

I hope this is do-able!! I REALLY do!!!

Still fat!

to review.... on my 36th birthday I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Since then I have been on a medication that, apparently, I will have to take forever.

Problem?

I have not had my period since that time (Oct. 22) and my stomach is bloated.

I am freaking out, and I am going to call the doctor tomorrow.

Other news? Still a fattie. Mic's awesome new place of employment who treats her SO much better then I can even imagine being treated at a job... is having a B*ggst Loser competition starting January 1st through March 1st... they have yoga and pilates and walking and all kinds of classes they are offering at work and of course diet help.

The three of us are going to join her in this.

Time for a f-ing kick in the ARSE.

I am looking forward to it... Rebecca will be our sanity, I am sure. We will actually USE the club we belong to and have been paying for and is (FAR) less then 1 mile over there ----->.

After watching TBL last night (we dvr), I decided that we are also going to run a 5K by the time March 1st comes around. I know that people think-- that is NO BIG DEAL.. 5K?? that is like... 3miles.. I could do that in my sleep. Well, peeps, I couldn't run from here to the corner without having to fake a shin splint so I could walk (even in my sleep).

We can do this.

I am laying out the ground rules to her tonight.. it is NOT a competition.. we are here to support one another. It isn't about who loses the most the fastest, how fast one person can run.... it is about TEAMWORK.

Gotta run! (er.. walk moderately quickly)

right now.

it is 7:13 and I sit here in my robe.

granted, I am showered.....

I have to be to work at 8:00.


I am going to talk to Blonde Ambition today about El Snoro. Not everything-- just the part about him wanting me to give him a credit card number so he could pay for some things online. Uh. Yeah. Okey. Sure, I would be HAPPY to give that to you Mr. Theytookyourcreditcardawaybecauseyouwouldchargepizzasandmoviesonit. SUUREEE lemme hand that right over Mr. Obviouslyabusingsomesortofdrug. BRB I will even write it down for you!

uh.

It has gotten weird at the funeral hizzy.... I am going to shake it up even more, yo!