Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Round 2.

Foster/Adoption meeting tonight. I am nervous- which I think spreads to Mic. I completely understand that in most decisions that a couple makes, one "wants it" more. I am that one. It isn't a bad thing. Just how it is. There have been decisions in the past where SHE "wants it" more. Tis life.. and I think it is good to be aware of that. That doesn't make me any less nervous. I feel like one good 'bout of cold feet could make her throw in the towel. We just have to get past this meeting.

The movers are coming today- I swear it is the best money anyone could spend. They are moving stuff all over the house to make room for Rebecca.

While Rebecca moves in, we are going to quietly slip away to Oshkosh to enjoy some time on the river listening to some Irish music.

I had three disposable cameras that I have had for YEARS sitting in a file cabinet. I never got them developed as I knew there would be pics on them of Lisa. I wasn't ready. Two days ago it just hit me that I was ready - that I wanted to get the pics developed.. that I wanted to send them to the appropriate people. So, Mic took them in. I am glad that I made the decision - there were pictures literally spanning years. There were many of Lisa. I wasn't at all as prepared to see them as I thought. I had a panic attack in the Walgreen's parking lot. over 2 years after her death and I am still going through this. I don't like talking about how much I miss her. More than I miss her, though- I just don't understand.

Upside.. there were some awesome pictures of the day Mic and I adopted Cosmo, and pictures of Amy and I at Lakefront Brewery and County Claire. Some of Anne and I while we were dating. It was like... "CASEY - THIS IS YOUR LIFE!" all within three rolls of old film that has been transferred from purse to bag to box to cabinet and has been living quietly in the back of a file cabinet just waiting for their day of glory.

5 comments:

Corrine said...

Good luck with your meeting. I'll be sending you good Mojo.

It is ok that you still miss her. You forever will. Think back of all the Greats!

jilliebean said...

I so completely understand one of you "wanting it" more than the other. We are the same way. There were 3 times that I thought Toni was going to say, "oh hell no" because all of this is sooo invasive, and they tell you things you cannot do (like have a trampoline), and she did say it... but then we kept going because she knows how much I want to do this. You'll get through it. The first meeting, the second, the training, the frustration, the wanting to shoot someone... you'll get through it all! And in the end, it will be worth it!

Amy said...

You'll be great parents and everything will work out wonderful. I can't wait to see those pics. I miss her so much too. And that's okay.

Amy said...

need an update.....

Corrine said...

waiting to see how the meeting went. Hope all is well!!!