Friday, October 22, 2010

Tropical Destinations

Today I turn 37. I am not that girl who loves birthdays... and gets all smooshy over them and loves to be pampered on them. Maybe someday I will be, but I am not there yet. I am thankful to have seen this many years - as there are many who aren't able to.

Next week I have to go to L@nsing Michig@n. All I know is between 8-5 I am going to be stuffed into a little classroom with 14 men learning sales crap. Then, I get to burrow into a fluffy king size bed.

Part of my big change that is happening.. wait.. before I go there.. I just want to clarify that I do write about these "big changes" that I am always "going" to make in my life. I don't think that I am unlike anyone else who starts something and then it goes to the wayside. Perhaps it is just easier to count the fails when I am writing it down all the time. You would think it would be opposite, eh? Like.. I am blogging this- so there are people out there who are going to keep track of me.. so I BETTER follow through! Guess what? Doesn't happen like that.

So.. I am going to be seeing a therapist. Starting on the 2nd. I am going to be seeing her for the following issues:

1. Self worth - feeling worthy of .. well.. ANYTHING
2. Self Esteem - in my head I am never enough (pretty,smart, outgoing, funny, cute, etcetc)
3. Food addiction:
- I need to stop convincing myself that it is okay to eat (bad day/stressed/celebration etc)
- Eat only until full then STOP
- stop rationalizing the bad food (this is the only time I have eaten today so I am going to eat
4. Get help getting over food anxiety - (I have to eat it all or it will be gone the next time I look
for it) - which stems from my mom hiding the food when I was growing up... and the
comments that went along with it.

My hopes are that by getting my HEAD straightened out, when I start WW AGAIN (for the 139028th time) on November 6th - that it will be the right combination for success. I am not looking for a miracle. I just want to be a little more normal when it comes to food.

I want to give you fair warning.. I will be blogging about this probably a lot. I know that so many of you come looking for baby updates. Well, I have done everything I can do - now it is out of my hands. I could blog each day about how I wish the phone would ring, or that when I didn't recognize the number on the caller i.d. I thought for SURE it was time-- instead it was Walgre#ns.

So, there you have it, Big Changes Fall Edition 2010.


Anonymous said...

You can do it!! I'm always here to vent to.

cindyhoo2 said...

Happy birthday!! And blog on about resolving your food issues. Positive transformation is always wonderful. AND girl you are super worthwhile-- now you just need to know it too. :)

Angie said...

she's gonna help you so much. :) glad you are going.
although, make sure you talk to her about WW. and take her advice to heart. i did. and i'm so much happier for it.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! What a perfect time to start treating yourself like you treat everyone else. ;)

paradykes said...

Happy Happy Birthday!!! Don't worry about the baby stuff it'll happen when it's supposed to happen and I know that's kinda f'd up to say but it's really the truth. So until then figure out you and get to loven yourself and everything else after that is cake!

Pomegranate said...

Happy birthday!

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Happy, Happy Birthday Lady!!

37, really? I thought you were in your 20's.

Congrats on taking control and facing your issues with food. I hope you will share your experiences. Have a fabulous weekend. :)

Mark said...

Happy Birthday, once again!
I'm with Mel, I thought that you were in your 20s too. You must be doing something right.
I would love if you would write about food. It is one of my favorite subjects and mostly everthing that I record on t.v(and watch by myself) is on weight loss. Since the kids were born(keep in mind that I didn't give birth to them), I have gained 30lbs. And it ain't muscle either. And because I'm a gay man, that's like 400lbs! So three weeks ago, I have tried to think about my stomach when I'm eating. Or for that matter, resting/walking/driving/typing/peeing... My point is, I eat to feed my head, not my stomach and then I'm so uncomfortable that it makes me sick. So now I think while I eat or I say to myself "your stomach isn't hungry eventhough you are thinking about food right now". I haven't weighed myself but I can tell that my pants have already started to fit better.
Okay, that is probably more than you wanted to know but you started it. So there!
Good luck.
Your Friend, m.

Anonymous said...

You might be unhappy with your weight, but you really are thin. I would never, ever look at you and think, "He needs to lose a few pounds."

Mark said...

Amy, it's all camera tricks.

Anonymous said...

M- yeah me too. My tricks of the camera make me look fat. weird that I'd chose that, huh?