Tuesday, March 16, 2010

gay parents and money (with an edit)

I have a question that I would like insight to:

When planning for a family- no matter how you go about getting that family, how do you plan for the money part?

I know that many of us out there who are getting ready to be moms (or dads) have "normal" lives. I don't know one of us who have struck it big time at the casino or with the scratch offs.....
so.. how do you do it?

Trust me, I realize that money isn't easy to talk about.... but I would like ideas. I know you can't be TOTALLY prepared.... but how DO you prepare? Is there ever a "perfect" position to be in financially?

speak up (please) because as you can imagine... Mic and I just had this conversation (or.. for the last 3 hours we have).


Where is this coming from, Casey?!?!?HUH???

Thank you all for your insight. Mic and I have a difference in opinion when it comes to this issue. I believe it will all just be fine. Of course, she looks at black and white. On paper.. how in the hell are we going to make this work!?!?! I look at my parents, her parents, helloooo most parents I know, and think- they didn't plan. They just did. They worked the jobs they could... and they loved their family. It is my job to calm her down, to show her things will be fine. And god willing that we are even accepted, we will get assistance... daycare, medical, etc....

I had a glimpse of the worry on her mind when we were standing in a doorway, and she said "What are we going to do when the state comes in and tells us we need DOORS?" (as we don't have doors on our bedrooms upstairs)"Those are EXPENSIVE. We are going to have to re-build DOORWAYS!"


I love her. And I love that she is worried about how we are going to be as a family. But I don't want her worry too much and not have FUN.

I think I am going to make sure she reads this entry... reads your responses... and gets a chance to realize everyone is just like we are. Just normal. No Trumps in my circle....just real peeps.


Jude said...

It's easier said than done but one way to look at it is to treat the "what ever" as a real bill that needs to be paid on a monthly bases and it becomes part of your budget. Just be realistic with the payments.

That can be applied to anything, savings, vacation, a kids college education, flat panel tv...what ever. Esp. the kids education...look at it this way, you would have 17 years to save for that one or two or three.

cindyhoo2 said...

I am not 100% sure I have a good answer here. I decided that we were family-ready when I could find some extra money in our budget. This means less eating out, more doing stuff at home, growing some of my own veggies, less vacations and etc. We applied our lack of new stuff to babymaking expenses and joeys job offers the chance to earn some "extra" money periodically which has helped wonders. But this is our solution. I know that my parents had kids and just hoped for the best. They were certainly not in the super stable financial place when they had kids. To me the answer comes down to a bit of faith. We are jumping into the deep end and are hoping we learn to swim as we go along: let's face it, having or getting kids is not a rational decision. IMHO

2momswithaplan said...

I don't think there is ever a good time financially to have a baby.

That said - we went the known donor route thinking that would save us money. But in reality, ttc is still expensive. We just budget for it every month.

The ovulation tests cost around $30 a box so that goes in with our grocery money. The hotel to stay in the tampa area during the insems cost around $50 a night so we just budget for that. The gas to drive down and back from tampa is $30 - again, worked into our budget.

We didn't really save for all of this - we just kept budgeting for it and working through each month to make it happen. It's strange but somehow the money is just there for us.

Now for the couples who go the IVF route - I'm not sure how they do it. That procedure is so expensive!

areyoukiddingg said...

It just works out. Again, life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans. No one said you have to save for their college. If you can great, if not..hello financial aid, hello jobs. No one paid for my education and I got a masters. It all starts to increase (the money spent) slowly so you get used to it and make adjustments where needed. And so many people have had kids, and there are resale shops and grandparents who love to buy stuff. All they need is food, shelter, clothing and love!
Stop worrying and just do it!

Bobby said...

Bake Sales. Lots of Bake Sales.

It depends. We worked out a plan with our adoption agency and lawyer to do payments, but they were hard. There was not a lot of room for much else besides essentials for a while. My 11 year old Ranger is over 200,000 miles, but I'll need to get a new one at some point. With adoption at least, there is a tax credit, so that will help.

Amy said...

we just did it. and you know how broke we always are. It's a lot of sacrifices, but there are other gains that are not bought with money.

Samantha02 said...

I dont think Im one to give much advice on this subject. I am very fortunate that my partner makes a salary that is able to support both of us. ( However we are by no means rolling in the dough)

After my first two Iuis had failed though, we began to realize we could no longer ttc on one income. I got a job where I am gone 12 hours a day 4 days a week and get paid minimal.All my money goes to gas and ttc.

I will stay home once we get pregnant, and like others said we will just make it work. Buying used furniture off c.list, eating out less, buying everyone less christmas presents. It will all work itself out.

After all if we can endure infertility, adoption, foster care and anything else, we can deal with finances later!

existere said...

We had no plan, aside from buying a car and a home. We had money for IVF, but did not 'plan' for afterwards.

We are fine. Not rich, but very happy.