Sunday, July 31, 2011

Life.

I am feeling optimistic. I have to believe I have made this decision for ME. For two weeks I have been feeling immense guilt. Mind and body numbing guilt.... and I didn't really get it. I didn't get why if I was the one making this decision, why I felt so horrible?

I have a friend who pointed out something very interesting. I grew up in a home that was often run by alcohol instead of clarity. Because of that, I know how bad/sad/disappointed/upset/frustrated/etc etc etc.. someone can feel. Because I spent a lot of time feeling those ways as a child, I, now as an adult, never want anyone to feel that way. ESPECIALLY at my hand.

Wow. Is that the truth. It hurts me tremendously when I let people down. More so than anyone I know.

Because of that-- I feel guilt because I let Mic down... a decision I made had a negative impact on her.

I am glad I know that information... now what to do with it?

3 comments:

Michael & Amy said...

Now you realize that you made the best decision you knew how to make and move forward.

CoffeeBlue said...

It may feel like letting her down in the moment but living an authentic life true to your beliefs and values and goals is really the best for both of you. I wish it didn't have to be so hard though. Thinking of you....

Wondering Numbers said...

you're trying. That's all that matters.