Friday, July 15, 2011

I hurt her.

I didn't mean to. I didn't want things to turn out this way.

Sometimes opposites attract... and it is wonderful for a lifetime..
and sometimes opposites attract and we love as much as we can for as long as we can... but don't quite make it a lifetime. It becomes too comfortable, and sometimes we lose who we are.

Though it was me who made this decision, I have never felt so low. I have never felt the pain I have. I don't even think it was as bad as when Lisa was dying.. as we had time to prepare.

I have hurt so many people with this decision- have ruined lives - have shattered hearts. But, I can't stay in a relationship and not give my all freely.

I think sometimes people would be able to handle it better if one of us cheated-- if we were a horrid person. The truth is, we are both great people. She is a WONDERFUL WOMAN. We are just different. I would never ask her to change who she is to make me happy.

My heart aches. My bones ache. Food wont stay in my stomach.

When did I live my life for others so much so a decision that I need to make for myself is so difficult?

She is angry. I don't blame her. There is much more that I could write about- but I can't do it here. I just know there are many who have wondered where I have been...

11 comments:

paradykes said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's never easy to leave a relationship even when it's for your own good. I hope you both a quick recovery of your hearts.

Bobbie

Mark said...

Bobbie said it beautifully.
Take care of yourself. Don't hold it in. Talk Talk Talk with you close friends. That's why they are there.
Mark

Adventures in Babymaking said...

I'm so sorry hon. My heart and prayers go out to you. <3

Loralou said...

I am so sorry to read this, how sad, but well done for doing what was right for you. It is all too easy to think of others and not of yourself.

Angie Lee said...

<3

Michael & Amy said...

I'm sorry you are both hurting. Call if you need me.

Pomegranate said...

I'm so sorry.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

Ending any relationship is hard but if you're not happy, well then you're not happy and life it just too short for that.
Take care of yourself lady. Hugs.

CoffeeBlue said...

Relationships are f'ing hard. I hope you find some peace and healing. Will be thinking of you.

CJ said...

OMG, now I understand why you said you were "Ok." yesterday! I had no clue! I'm so sorry, for both of you.

Jen said...

I'm JUST catching up on blogs now. I've been wondering where you were :/ I remember when my ex left, and the pain that that was. Horrible. And you were there for me, even though these interwebs. If you need anything, ANYTHING at all, please let me know. Wishing you the best my friend. xo