Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My brother..

10 years older then me..

He and I have always been compared... even though I didn't like to be. Why couldn't have have been beautiful like my sisters, and compared to them instead?

He has had three (possibly 4) strokes in the last few years. Why would I say possibly? Because he chooses not to share his life with us. I am coming to the conclusion that my brother-- my big brother-- the one who would tickle torture me and give me whisker burn and just generally tease me as any big brother should... is a compulsive liar.

He moved away when he was right out of high school and I believe it started then. We never really knew where he lived, who he lived with... he went through jobs pretty rapidly.. he ended up moving back with my parents... back and fourth a number of times.

He lost his businesses.

He lost his wife.

I truly believe he is dealing with depression deeper then any I have touched the surface of.

He doesn't know when to stop. We, as a family, have given him numerous... NUMEROUS times to come clean... to tell us where he is really working... who he is really dating.... where he really got the brand new Harley he drives around on. Time and time again, he has chosen to tell us stories. We all know the truths..

He has been telling us for many months he has had a job at a restaurant chain. My mom and sister decided to stop in on him today to say hi. They asked for him... the staff looked at each other ...Um.. he worked here for a little bit ... but hasn't worked here for at least 4 months.
My mom (who never shows emotion) started crying. She knew she has been lied to again. They left. They called him. He said he had the day off.. they explained what happened.. he said they were mistaken.. that he just got his paycheck on Friday.



My mom is crushed.. my dad is crushed... my sister can't stop shaking... everyone is pissed. I don't know what we can do for him. My parents who are in their 70's have been paying his rent for him since his last stroke... they don't want to go to Florida this winter as they are afraid something will happen to him.. they don't want to stop paying for his insurance becuase then he wont get the help he needs.

I feel like walking away..

But who can walk away from family?

We are a dysfunctional bunch.. me and my family... the stories of my childhood well.. wait.. I will say my parents tried their best.. and they raised us much like they were raised.

All my mom ever asked us while growing up was to tell her the truth. That was IT. That is all she wanted. Granted.. there were times even in my life that it was a challenge to do that... then, I came to the conclusion that there wasn't any reason to hide anymore.

I am venting, I am sorry.. I am swimming in frustration....

He needs help.



Anonymous said...

awww Case, Pooh Bear, I'm sorry. You are much stronger than me. I would walk away. I mean, on Intervention doesn't everyone have to have a bottom line? And no one gets help until they've reached rock bottom? Sorry you have to deal with this. And PS. you ARE beautiful!

Adventures in Babymaking said...

Casey we go through a similar situation with my brother all the time. We know enabling him is not good for the long haul, but he's a recent HIV diagnosie and we want to make sure he has money for meds and keeps his job with benefits. It's so hard when your hands feel tied behind your back and you want to help. You guys are in my prayers. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

2momswithaplan said...

That's tough... coming from a dysfunctional family myself... I can't sit here and tell you to walk away - because we never walked away from one another (even when we wanted to). But sometimes walking away is the only way to make things better. Its that 'tough love'. I hope things come around soon. Sometimes it takes someone to hit rock bottom to wake up and ask for help.

Jen said...

I wish you didn't have to deal with this and I'm sorry you are hurting :( I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here - you do what you feel and what's best for you and that will be right.

Sometimes, we just can't help people, blood or not.

I'm wishing you and the fam all the best girl.

areyoukidding said...

There comes a time when as hard as it is you have to stop worrying about everyone elses "stuff"...because there is nothing NOTHING you can do to control it. Concentrate on things you can control...because the other things become all consuming and eat away at you and rob you of your own life...it's not being harsh, it's not being unkind, or unloving...it's called living...I did that with my family and as soon as I did I finally starting living my life...you can't be so consumed with other family members "Stuff" when you have kids...letting go of things you cannot control is liberating!

cindyhoo2 said...

Oh Casey, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It hurts so much when someone you love chooses a path you know is destructive. Obviously I don't know him so I cannot make a judgement but I can say that his behavior sounds like the behavior of people with addiction issues. Could that be the problem. Drug addiction brings out the absolute worst in a person.

Anonymous said...

what's going on now? blog some more