23 hours ago
Monday, September 5, 2011
I am getting more and more settled into my apartment and have one last random box that is begging me to unpack it, but it is all pictures and I don't want to put things on the wall so willy-nilly. The walls will be there and I will figure out just how I want things.. I think I will be in this apartment for awhile, so there is no rush.
Mic's grandma died last week. She was an amazing and strong woman. I really enjoyed her..and whenever there is someone around me that dies, I am now wishing I had spend more time with her.
Mic asked me to be a the funeral, so of course I was there. It was the first time I would see her family since the break up. Yes. It WAS awkward. I just had to keep it in my head that I was there for Mic and grandma- and it wasn't about how comfortable I was or wasn't.
As I walked in her friends were surrounding her, and I was glad they were there for her. Her dad approached me and we both broke down crying as we hugged, her sister completely avoided me, and her mom was cordial. Mic said hi...and then the mass started. A few of the friends came to where I was sitting to
say hello. I am not going to lie... I was a big mess the whole time. Crying like a baby- but keeping it under wraps so I didn't look completely insane.
It really hit me at that point how people view break ups. I may be completely on my own little island with this thought process... But hear me out. I started thinking about my siblings and the breakups they went through with long term relationships. They, as well as my parents, are still in touch with every one of them. Even the ex wife of my brother. I am still in contact with my exes, and would consider one of them a very good friend. So, in my thought process, I feel like in life we are always evolving .. Always changing and realizing what we want from this very short time on earth. In my case with mic... I adore her.. I enjoy her... But on a daily basis (sometimes hourly) I would have to convince myself that we were doing the right thing in the foster process. I KNEW her thoughts on having a family were different than mine. It was driving me deeper and deeper into a hole because I felt I was changing my life plans because of someone else. It also wasn't fair that I was asking her for more than she was comfortable. Feelings changed for me, and it was simply time to move on.
My family and friends understood, supported my decision, and my friends and my mom and dad and sisters have all reached out to her in some fashion.. Telling her they love her.
I know that there are lots of people who think I am crazy when I try to explain all of this. Maybe I am. Believe me it would be different if there was cheating, or abuse or something like that...
What I just really want to happen is for mic and I to be ok with one another. For mic to be okay with me.
Onward.. My parents 50th wedding anniversary was yesterday. We had an intimate day with just my immediate family. We went to mass where they had their rings blessed, ate way too much at my sisters, and went on a boat tour of Milwaukee and my friend Angie met us at a park to take family pictures. I proudly was able to present a video I made for then and gave everyone a jump drive of all the slides I scanned for my parents. You could tell they were overjoyed the whole day :) I accidentally left my phone in the car with my two teenage nieces and have a 2836 pictures of them with fish faces. As my nieces get older and I enjoy them more and more- all of their quirky hormone raged selves, the idea of fostering teens continues to mull around in my brain. I think I will talk to CW3 when she comes over on Friday.
Ok... I have to be productive today and go make a curtain for my back hallway door. The neighbor has had some very close opportunities to see my nekkid butt, toweled wrapped body, or me binging at the counter on cheese and crackers. Yes. Time for a curtain, indeed.
Ps. Rebs, in the time frame of one week: was offered a job at an amazing funeral home, put her two weeks in at the craptastic funeral home, was escorted out- because they are asshats, and promptly broke both if her feet as she fell in a pothole.
I am overjoyed at the opportunity she has at this freaking AWESOME home, but this means she is moving an hour and a half away. :(
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